Tips to help tough conversations go well

November 18, 2008

Think ahead
Before starting a difficult conversation, make sure you're clear on why you're bringing the matter up.

• The more difficult the subject, the more thought you'll want to put into it before engaging someone face to face.

Bring it up now
If something needs to be addressed, take the initiative to broach the subject before it festers or grows into a larger problem.

• Listen.
• Let the other person talk until he or she is finished.
• Don't interrupt.
• Don't take it personally.
• Ask, "Can I discuss something with you that I think will help us work better together?"

Flexibility counts
The inability to see another's perspective is cited as the biggest impediment to productive conversations. 

• See your counterpart as a person.
• Identify the problem as the problem.
• Explain your perspective without blame, judgment or conjecture.
• Use the word "and" and avoid the word "but."
• Say, "I think we have different perceptions about this. I'd like to hear your thinking."

Be emotionally intelligent
Listen to more than just the words being spoken.

• Watch the person's body language.
• Pay attention to your own body language. Are you crossing your arms in a defensive posture?
• Apologize when appropriate.
• Clarify your position without minimizing your counterpart's.
• Say, "Maybe we can talk about how to address these issues so my intention is clear."