I go to work every day in fear of getting sick and in fear of seeing patients decline. But I care so much to be present for the patients and my co-workers. Seeing patients get better and go home is fulfilling. In times like these, the teamwork I have with every member of the health care team keeps me going. We show up to work to support one another. Not only nurses, but Environmental Services and lift technicians are vital to our unit. The staff and I always find ways to laugh through the stress. We’re all in this together and we will get through it.

It's not really just one moment, but various moments that highlight the successes and difficulties during this time. I've spent much of my time in the ICU, and the special moments for me are when I've had the privilege of helping patients get better and, ultimately, be transferred off the unit. Conversely, it is always trying when patients we work so hard to save don't get better.

I find the ‘normal’ conversations I have with patients and co-workers that don’t involve COVID-19 are what bring me joy. Something as simple as hearing about someone’s family or their pet renews me and makes everything feel better. I was pretty terrified when we first started swabbing patients. We’re a lot less tense now. The first thing I do when I get home after work is shower. I haven’t been able to see my elderly father with dementia for weeks, and he does not understand why. It’s been incredibly difficult, and I miss him terribly. Our nurses support each other. Sometimes we have mini-meltdowns when someone has a bad day, but we’re there for each other.

We got an urgent message about the Magnolia Rehabilitation and Nursing Center. They were short-staffed and needed nurses. I said, ‘OK, let’s go.’ It’s a little thank you in return. I was an LVN there while my kids were little. I was scared at first and didn’t know what to expect. But once we saw all those elderly, vulnerable people needing help, all those fears went out the window. Some of them hadn’t eaten or dressed. We worked as fast as we could and got them comfortable and gave them a keepsake — a teddy bear or photo of their loved one. We knew that this was their home. It brought back memories of my dad. Before he passed away, he told me, ‘You’re going to be a nurse. You have the love and personality to be a nurse.’ That stayed in my mind for a long time. Yesterday, I was like, ‘Dad, I did this.’ It reinforced my love of what I do for a living. It’s not going to work, but going to what I love to do.

The fear of the unknown — where I’d be working, what I’d be doing — it was unsettling, and it came fast. Now, I am doing employee and member screening at the front door of the Capitol Hill Medical Center. It’s a daily struggle to put your game face on, but I know I’m not alone. If I can alleviate just one person’s fear or educate just one member about spread, I’ve done my job and helped someone. That’s what keeps me going. Despite everything that’s happening, I feel like I know almost every doctor and nurse in the building. I will be excited to return back to my team again, but until then I know I’m not alone and we’re all working as a family.

Four of us grievance representatives are working at the curbside pharmacy and COVID-19 testing pilot site outside the Corona Medical Offices in Riverside. This service is by appointment only, for high-risk patients who need to pick up a prescription or be tested for COVID-19, or both. Many of them are visibly sick — and they don’t have masks or gloves or anything — and they start coughing. Some are angry. But they’re all anxious, and they’re scared. If you can stay calm and controlled, they respond to that. It’s a good feeling when you see them ease up. At that point you just get them the help they need.

It is an honor to have the knowledge and expertise to help a patient struggling to breathe by placing a breathing tube. It is an honor to stand next to some of the most brilliant, dedicated, and brave colleagues. It is an honor to know we make a difference and we just may save some lives. It’s also an overwhelming mission. In an already stressful job, our families and friends routinely provide relief from the stress. We look forward to that respite. COVID-19 has taken that from us. We are under the most stress we have ever experienced, and we cannot see our families or friends for fear of making them sick. This is so trying. But we try to focus. We have a job to do, and we have each other. That helps me take a deep breath.

I had a patient who was very sad and upset about possibly contracting COVID-19. He explained that he had a gun at home and was thinking of killing himself. I was shocked and scared for him, but I told him to have faith and peace. I referred him to Social Services. A few days later he came back and brought me a flower and a card. He told me that nobody had ever talked to him so beautifully, and it gave him hope to live. I think one of the best things we can do right now is give people hope.

Families are incredibly anxious. There’s a lot of misinformation out there, and it’s our job to allay their fears. You just listen to them, give them the facts, and tell them ‘we’re here for you.’ Keep a brave face. Calmness is contagious. If you remain calm, everyone else will remain calm with you.